new job

I start with writing down an email with subject: 'hehehe.. gue pindah kerja lagi'. And I sent it to the geng. Then my Yahoo Msg suddenly get busy as well as my handy and email.

Pretty shocking, though. It's all get too sudden.

It turns out that I take the new job. After so much thoughts, it leads me into a conclusion. Why shoudn't I take it? I like it. It looks good on my resume. It has several trainings that I could join. It involves heavy travellings with good compensation. It has more friendly atmosphere. It has better salary. And on top of all, I'm going to work with my best friend.

Well, the last line was actually one of my consideration of rejecting it. But then, I believe that I do have good intention whatsoever, with no strings attached at all. So, I should not be afraid that this could lead into bad competition that could wreck our friendship.

However, I know that this wont be any easy. It's quite a hard job. And truthfully, to see that look in some people eyes that I resign from this three letters company is actually somehow discouraging me.

Sialan lo ya MTV, walau lo seburuk2 amit2. Most people still think highly of you and make pity look for those who's resigning from you.

Wish me luck, people!

Do I actually have any capabilities?

Pagi ini gue nginep tempat temen gue dan baru nyampe kantor jam 11.30. Kemaren gue abis ngerjain kerjaan temen dan nginep juga dan baru nyampe kantor jam 13.00. (notes: pake taksi dari bekasi!!!!!). Sebelumnya lagi, gue di kos mulu males2an sambil ngerjain kerjaan temen dan baru nyampe kantor jam 15.00. Malah lebih kayanya.

Kenapa ya gue?

Awal2 walaupun kantor laknat gue ini nggak menuntut gue untuk dateng pagi, gue akan dateng paling maksimal jam 10.00. Walaupun malemnya gue ngedit sampe pagi, paling juga gue jam 1 udah dateng. Sekarang gue seneng banget kalo gue disuruh ngedit, karna besoknya gue punya alesan untuk dateng siang. Padahal gue juga jam 11an udah bangun jadi yang ada gue nonton DVD aja di kosan atau cabut sama temen2 kantoran gue di jam makan siang di skycraper building mereka. Sambil dipelong2 satpam gara2 gue pake jins kaos dan sendal jepit.

Ini dia tanda-tandanya gue gak semangat kerja lagi.
Di bulan ke-8 ajah.
Kurang lebih sama ama saat gue mulai2 bosen dulu di ybul. Yang ada, performance gue menurun banget.

Gue masih inget dulu kata-kata Mbak Heli pada saat gue udah mulai hidup segan mati tak mau di ybul. 'Kamu keliatan banget udah nggak semangat kerja lagi, dulu kamu rajin banget sekarang kayanya males2an'. Waktu itu gue dengan lucunya berusaha nge-deny. Ini bukan salah gue kok, kan YBUL yang semakin ngaco. YBUL yang bikin gue males. YBUL management-nya kacau sih. YBUL janji-janji palsu ama gue. YBUL payah.

Lalu dengan segala macem dispute dengan kasus Program Officer Aceh dimana jadinya gue nangis2 mulu pas minggu2 itu, akhirnya gue diterimalah di perusahaan tiga huruf lucu ini.

Eh ternyata, the cycle goes the same again. I get fuckin bored in this place. And I do would like to blame the place that I work instead of blaming myself. Well, I should have. Here's my situation right now: No good working atmosphere, friends which I don't know who're standing on which sides, ass-licking-friends, fake-smile-friends, hey-I-don't-know-your-name friends, endless party and cigarettes smoke -even in an air conditioned room-, crazy working hour, no insurance -even jamsostek- and shitty payment. That's all I can remember.

But then again, am I only denying? Is it me who always get easily bored and unfortunately good in finding justifications and excuses? Is it me who didn't have much capabilities on this area so that I get less acknowledged? Is it me who has less efforts in making the whole thing better? Do I have less endurance in facing everything? Am I avoiding conflict?

Terusnya gue masih berharap ada yang nawarin kerja. Gue sih sebenernya dari dulu ragu, secara gue tau banget lah siapa gue dan apa kapasitas gue. Tapi emang temen-temen gue suka terlalu meninggi2kan gue sehingga hasilnya gue diminta untuk kirimin CV. But then the Lady said that the Resume was too short and its only filled by some un-important things such as juara lomba pidato bahasa inggris. (Hey temen2 debat gue, jangan pada marah ya...)

Yah gue bisa lah dengan cueknya bilang, 'Well, it's me!'. Tapi sebenernya gue jadi bertanya-tanya, Do I actually have any capabilities? Or is it just that I always nearby nice people who always said that I'm great to only make me happy?

real love

Kemaren gue abis ada acara cari-cari orang di Medan. Which I don't think would be effective since I'm fuckin sure most of the finalist would come from private casting :P

Anyway, ini perjalanan gue yang paling seru. Kenapa? Karna gue bisa ketemu 2 temen gue sekaligus dan bisa ketawa-ketawa dan cerita-cerita sampe jam 3 pagi, as usual. Yah karna ditempat baru lucu gue ini, perjalanan keluar kota FOR THE FIRST TIME feel fuckin boring and I got no passion for it, but I do got headache, though.

Seperti biasa, gue ngomong panjang lebar ngalor ngidul tentang satu dan beberapa orang sama si Roy, terus betapa idealisme selalu dikekang kalo lo masih kerja ama orang, dan lain lain lagi. Termasuk main ke rumah si Bunga juga.

Abis itu gue terusin jalan ama Tata. Mulailah pembicaraan-pembicaraan mengenai betapa bedanya dan complicated-nya kehidupan sekarang ini. Betapa banyak sekali ketidakenakan yang mau gak mau musti kita hadapin kalo emang kita mau idup di dunia ini. Dan betapa teman sejati itu, semakin lama memang semakin susah dicari.

Ada satu perkataan dari Tata yang masuk banget di gue,
'Gampang banget kalo lo mau sayang dan peduli sama orang-orang yang ada di deket lo, dan bareng sama lo setiap saat. Tapi kalo lo udah terpisah oleh jarak dan waktu, dan lo masih selalu sayang sama orang-orang itu, that's a real love'

today's thing

just short and simple..

people..
use your own face!!

jangan pada pergi lagi dong...

some people might say that lovers could come and go..
but friendship could stay..
I don't think it's totally correct..

sometime you don't even know that you're loosing friend..
because they won't be any words 'BREAK UP' just as you did with couple..
but due to work, school, other friends, and especialy new family..
they could slowly walk away
and you'll get the same achy lonely feeling as broken heart..
even worse,
because you don't know how to get them back
because there are no exact procedure on how to get them back..

so, don't walk away again please..

addooohhhh..

adoh gak bener banget sih nih blog..

gue udah prepare sejuta foto buat gue publish tapi lagi bloon nih web-nya..

God's Slap

A friend just said that she’s making money for some million per day. That’s her rate and she won’t take any lower offers. That is for a job in an air conditioned room, complete meals, and sitting. Well, on the other side she’s gonna be tired since she had to speak all the time with full concentration.

Feel kinda envy.

I had this moonlighting job, preparing proceedings for five (two plus three) days workshops in English. It means that I had to listen to 17 cassettes and do a lot of translation since 80% of them were in Bahasa and even if it was in English, its either they are Japanese people a.k.a. awful accent or some people with nice intentions to use English yet they had poor vocabulary and grammar.

To finish all these, I barely sleep before midnight since the first day of Java Jazz. Frankly, I can say I never sleep before midnight, several sleep 1 or 2 hours after midnight, and mostly I sleep after the shubuh prayer in dawn. This is also because my main job is also requiring sleep in very late night.

Guess how much money that I got for all this troubles? Only around 15% higher then her. Not to mention an additional numb ears and tired eyes for sitting too long in front of the laptop.

Its kind of the same feeling I got when I was in college. The salary for being computer assistance in my lab plus giving twice a week private lessons in a month were sooo….. lower then what my friend got by being Sales Promotion Girl for just a day. However, since I don’t have the requirement for being SPG (nice-shaped-body, full smile), I just have to be happy with it.

But then something struck me by lightning.

A good friend of mine just got back from Aceh. She showed me this huge beautiful embroidery of Ayat Kursi, which was made in perfectly shaped gold threads with small nice little red accent details on every inch of it. It was made for at least ten days, by an old woman, in survival tent, with very minimum space and lightning. And guess how much does it cost for the teary eyes and back troubles that the lady suffer for those days? Only Rp. 200.000! That already includes expenses for the materials.

And what the hell should I whining more. God, you just slapped me so hard!

wedding party!!

ya ampyuuuunnnn...
ternyata it's so easy to upload an image..

well, this is a picture of Chei and Rivan's wedding party..
nothing is better than two of your best friends are being together ;)

hail to people behind the screen!

Apa sih yang lo pikirin kalo lo liat dunia gemerlap artis di tv ataupun secara live? Kalo emang fansnya, bilangnya pasti seru, heboh, asyik, gemerlap, pengeeennn!! Tapi kalo bukan fans, komennya bakalan seputar mahal, artificial, dan yang paling sering ditanyain adalah, ‘pinter gak sih mereka?’

Susah juga ya buat nge-judge apakah seorang artis itu pinter atau nggak. Apalagi kalo lo nggak berinteraksi langsung sama dia. Untungnya buat para artis, people behind their scene always try and have to try to make them look smart. Kalo ada ngomong salah-salah di-edit, ngarahin dengan buat script yang bagus, ngasih brief yang super jelas sebelum mulai acara, dan berbagai aksi lain supaya buat mereka terlihat sempurna. Well, at least di layar kaca.

Cuma yaa.. emang mau gak mau tetep aja kalo emang agak kurang bisa keliatan aja. Lets say, suatu weekly program ber-rating tinggi yang dibawakan dengan membaca prompter. Assuming producernya sama, berarti kan bobot setiap program sama ya, tapi celakanya ada satu artis cewek belia yang musti take sampe 4 jam! Meanwhile sebagai perbandingan, kalo yang bawain band berisi 5 orang pun paling ngabisin waktu 1,5an lah rata-rata. Padahal tentunya lebih banyak orang lebih susah ngarahin.

Atau misalnya yang berkasus dengan wawancara. Ada seorang artis internasional dateng. Sang produser udah pada heboh buat script supaya beritanya bener-bener keluar. Tapi ternyata, yang ada wawancaranya kaya wawancara kerja. ‘ok, so, tell me about your first album?’, ‘ok, now how about your single?’, ‘ok, how many songs that you’re going to play?’.. hellooo… have you heard the word ngobrol?? Yah tapi sayangnya mata Indonesia masih suka silau sama yang diluar, sepanjang itu cakep dan menjual mah, perpanjang lagi kontraknyaaaa!!!

Last tentang sesuatu yang cukup basic, bahasa Inggris yang ngaco, daily conversation pula lho padahal. Gila ya, padahal baju mereka aja harga gue kursus Inggris sampe 5 taon! Untuk mengucapkan kata-kata yang cukup simple kaya ‘hollywood cemetery forever’ (I kinda lupa kata ketiganya apa, tapi sama ‘biasa’nya lah), itu bisa retake sampe berulang kali. Nah kebalikannya kalo udah begitu, kata yang mengandung bahasa Indonesia asli kaya ‘cendol’, itu bisa diucapin dengan logat bule ‘cheyndhol’. Ya ampyunn..

where do i belong?

When you’re in a room with full of people, they all laugh together and so did you.. but you feel empty in the heart..

When people were talking about this and that, and then they ask for your opinion.. no matter how hard you try to give your best answer and no matter how loud was their laughter.. you feel like an idiot and not becoming yourself..

When people were sharing stories about something that you can completely get it… but you’re mind was wandering to other places where you could have make better stories..

When someone mention a name and suddenly they’re burst in hysterical laughter, and you think that this name was soo.. nothing..

When you don’t know where to share your stories because you don’t know who on which side…

When its difficult for you to have discussion since it may get too sensitive and afraid that it will not fall in the right place for them…

When you can’t have intimate conversation because one only happened after a heavy drink…

When suddenly you miss all of your old buddies…

Dear, you’re just don't belong there...