Monday, May 29, 2006

an injured heart was harder to cure

another eartquake was happened again the last saturday.

a friend wonders, why disasters mostly happened on holidays? Where all people were unprepared, both the casualties or the aid parties.

but actually, could we really prepare for disasters?

in case of fire, skycrapers buildings were equipped with anti-fire tools. Hydrants are everywhere. Emergency stairs are at everycorner. Emergency exit trainings are conducted every month.

in case of earthquake, Japan was equipped with many anti-earthquake tools. The SWAT troops were prepared for any emergencies. Children were given awareness since the very beginning.

in case of hurricane, people were building hideaways in basement. Researches were conducted to predict on the occurences to evacuate people earlier.

yes of course, those efforts could indeed redeem the casualties numbers. but the after effect would always be harder.

no one was aware that they're going to have a very different life after the tragedy
no one was ever prepared for the deaths of the loving ones
no one would realize that the emergency exit was merely temporary exit
and it would be very difficult for them to really exit from the whole disaster
because an injured heart was harder to cure.

Monday, May 22, 2006

takut


whirl in your tummy.
goosebumps in the back of your neck.
eyes going nowhere.
sometimes teary.
heart thumping.

will the new job good for me?

adooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Friday, May 19, 2006








smile!


cause everyone deserve a pleasant smile...

Sunday, May 14, 2006

me: singer wannabe



Aliran musik:
it's gonna be solo, band-nya cabutan aja. Aliran musik gue jazz swing macam-macam si Mocca atau Sixpence None the Richer itu.

Kostum:
agak-agak sixties or seventies. Bukan kaya Sari-nya White Shoes and the Couples Company, tapi kaya baju-bajunya Luna Maya di film Ruang. Pake make up nude dengan lip gloss etude atau apa deh yang agak mahalan dari Nivea gue sekarang. Dan pake sendal!! Atau sepatu teplek dengan some open spaces. Yang jelas definitely not high heels. Tapi gayanya tetep pecicilan kaya Candy-candy kan walau pake rok tapi tetep bisa lari kesana kemari, jangan karna pake baju feminin terus gayanya cewek banget. Atau kalo gaya tomboynya…. Hmm.. baru ngeh kalo baju2 oldies itu selalu bergaya perempuan sekali..

Cover album:
tentunya dominasi hijau yah. Dan putih mungkin ya. Dengan nuansa-nuansa oranye kayanya lucu juga. Yang jelas cover depan nggak boleh ada muka gue, dan judul albumnya gak boleh pake judul lagu. It should reflect how I feel at the moment and had positive aura. Yang kepikiran sekarang nih buat judul album: Mimpi. Mungkin covernya gambar foto tempat kos gue kali ye. Karna itu tempat gue bermimpi-mimpi ria.

Video klip:
Hm, siapa ya sutradaranya? Mungkin si Ardy yang buat klipnya seurieus itu yah karna dia cakep. Hehehehe. Yang jelas konsepnya harus lucu dan entertaining. Pake ambience-nya bandung. Huehuehue. Very less of me singing. Yah kalo demi komersialitas gue kudu muncul beberapa kali untuk bernyanyi yah gapapalah. Kan album gue kudu laku juga. Gak perlu pake talent artis karna pasti mahals. Mending cari temen2 sendiri aja yang dikaryakan atau pake efek2 editting yang yahud punya juga boleh.

Isi lagu:
Lirik-liriknya pake bahasa-bahasa standar yang manis-manis. Boleh banget lagu tentang sedih-sedih, tapi jangan mellow-mellow banget kaya Audi yang Menangis Semalam. Sounds desperate gtu loh. Walau gue pun sering menangis semalem tapi not for public lah yaw.

Beberapa ide lagu yang kepikir nih:

  1. proses pencarian soulmate yang ternyata bisa jadi adalah sahabat lo yang akan selalu ada –semoga-, atau ternyata anak lo yang lo punya tanpa lo sadari รจ diinspirasikan oleh mbak Ally McBeal
  2. senangnya hidup kalo punya sahabat yang peduli banget walau kadang tolol dan ngeselin
  3. kangen gimana sih rasanya jatuh cinta
  4. way to cope stress
  5. cari-cari tujuan hidup: mo ngapain sih gue? (loh ini mah jadi buku self help atuh)
  6. pusingnya pilih2 baju kalo mo nge-date
  7. ngerasa sendiri malem-malem dan it’s achy loooohhh
  8. mimpi pengen jalan-jalan ke italy abis nonton kabel di tipi
  9. kind of lagu seperti lagu ‘somebody’ nya depeche mode, pokonya kriteria cowok idaman deh.. hhehehhe…
  10. missing da family..
  11. rekening telpon yang jeblok gara2 apa2 sukanya curhat dan cerita2
  12. susahnya jadi cewek.. tapi teteup enak juga
  13. something about food/drink.. mungkin gue ngomongin kopi..

wahh.. udah bisa buat album tuh gue. Well, basically it’ll be more about friends and family and food and broken hearted and anything else that I’ve experienced.

Thank you thank you:
ini yang paling penting. Kayanya I should start to write it down soon. Yang jelas tentunya buat hometown gue di bandung yang masih membiarkan kamar gue just like when I left it, complete with the mess, photos, books, and of course love. Temen-temen lama gue, dari kecil, anak-anak dufan yang baek-baek, anak-anak sef yang edun-edun, sampe di ybul, temen-temen gokil gue di ecosisters, yah pokonya tempat-tempat dimana gue ngerti banget apa itu definisi temen. Trus juga beberapa temen dan banyak kenalan gue di mtv, kok kayanya gue susaaah banget deket sama kalian. Dan pastinya suatu tempat dimana gue suka spend my weekend kalo lagi gak balik Bandung, sorry for always wanna try to squeeze in and acknowledged. Well, some still need breakdowns of course ;)

Wuih, feel my album all set to be released already!

Friday, May 12, 2006

new job

I start with writing down an email with subject: 'hehehe.. gue pindah kerja lagi'. And I sent it to the geng. Then my Yahoo Msg suddenly get busy as well as my handy and email.

Pretty shocking, though. It's all get too sudden.

It turns out that I take the new job. After so much thoughts, it leads me into a conclusion. Why shoudn't I take it? I like it. It looks good on my resume. It has several trainings that I could join. It involves heavy travellings with good compensation. It has more friendly atmosphere. It has better salary. And on top of all, I'm going to work with my best friend.

Well, the last line was actually one of my consideration of rejecting it. But then, I believe that I do have good intention whatsoever, with no strings attached at all. So, I should not be afraid that this could lead into bad competition that could wreck our friendship.

However, I know that this wont be any easy. It's quite a hard job. And truthfully, to see that look in some people eyes that I resign from this three letters company is actually somehow discouraging me.

Sialan lo ya MTV, walau lo seburuk2 amit2. Most people still think highly of you and make pity look for those who's resigning from you.

Wish me luck, people!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Do I actually have any capabilities?

Pagi ini gue nginep tempat temen gue dan baru nyampe kantor jam 11.30. Kemaren gue abis ngerjain kerjaan temen dan nginep juga dan baru nyampe kantor jam 13.00. (notes: pake taksi dari bekasi!!!!!). Sebelumnya lagi, gue di kos mulu males2an sambil ngerjain kerjaan temen dan baru nyampe kantor jam 15.00. Malah lebih kayanya.

Kenapa ya gue?

Awal2 walaupun kantor laknat gue ini nggak menuntut gue untuk dateng pagi, gue akan dateng paling maksimal jam 10.00. Walaupun malemnya gue ngedit sampe pagi, paling juga gue jam 1 udah dateng. Sekarang gue seneng banget kalo gue disuruh ngedit, karna besoknya gue punya alesan untuk dateng siang. Padahal gue juga jam 11an udah bangun jadi yang ada gue nonton DVD aja di kosan atau cabut sama temen2 kantoran gue di jam makan siang di skycraper building mereka. Sambil dipelong2 satpam gara2 gue pake jins kaos dan sendal jepit.

Ini dia tanda-tandanya gue gak semangat kerja lagi.
Di bulan ke-8 ajah.
Kurang lebih sama ama saat gue mulai2 bosen dulu di ybul. Yang ada, performance gue menurun banget.

Gue masih inget dulu kata-kata Mbak Heli pada saat gue udah mulai hidup segan mati tak mau di ybul. 'Kamu keliatan banget udah nggak semangat kerja lagi, dulu kamu rajin banget sekarang kayanya males2an'. Waktu itu gue dengan lucunya berusaha nge-deny. Ini bukan salah gue kok, kan YBUL yang semakin ngaco. YBUL yang bikin gue males. YBUL management-nya kacau sih. YBUL janji-janji palsu ama gue. YBUL payah.

Lalu dengan segala macem dispute dengan kasus Program Officer Aceh dimana jadinya gue nangis2 mulu pas minggu2 itu, akhirnya gue diterimalah di perusahaan tiga huruf lucu ini.

Eh ternyata, the cycle goes the same again. I get fuckin bored in this place. And I do would like to blame the place that I work instead of blaming myself. Well, I should have. Here's my situation right now: No good working atmosphere, friends which I don't know who're standing on which sides, ass-licking-friends, fake-smile-friends, hey-I-don't-know-your-name friends, endless party and cigarettes smoke -even in an air conditioned room-, crazy working hour, no insurance -even jamsostek- and shitty payment. That's all I can remember.

But then again, am I only denying? Is it me who always get easily bored and unfortunately good in finding justifications and excuses? Is it me who didn't have much capabilities on this area so that I get less acknowledged? Is it me who has less efforts in making the whole thing better? Do I have less endurance in facing everything? Am I avoiding conflict?

Terusnya gue masih berharap ada yang nawarin kerja. Gue sih sebenernya dari dulu ragu, secara gue tau banget lah siapa gue dan apa kapasitas gue. Tapi emang temen-temen gue suka terlalu meninggi2kan gue sehingga hasilnya gue diminta untuk kirimin CV. But then the Lady said that the Resume was too short and its only filled by some un-important things such as juara lomba pidato bahasa inggris. (Hey temen2 debat gue, jangan pada marah ya...)

Yah gue bisa lah dengan cueknya bilang, 'Well, it's me!'. Tapi sebenernya gue jadi bertanya-tanya, Do I actually have any capabilities? Or is it just that I always nearby nice people who always said that I'm great to only make me happy?